


Angels with silverwings, shouldn't know suffering.

by erciareyes



Series: Sterek Week Entrys [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: And Derek is there, Angst, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Stiles is caught in a sort of Limbo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 13:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2152662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erciareyes/pseuds/erciareyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Stiles opens his eyes, there’s light and brightness all around him. White walls, white floors, white tiles, white lights everything he sees is white. Stiles sits up, confused and looks around. He knows this place, he’s been here before.  Instantly he holds his hands in front of his body, feverishly counts his fingers. Five on the one hand, five on the other hand. He’s awake; at least he thinks he is. He still remembers how it felt to be here last time, trapped and captured in his own head. But maybe this isn’t his head, maybe he’s in a room that just looks like the one in his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angels with silverwings, shouldn't know suffering.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work for Day 2 of SterekWeek 2014. The prompt was a Near Death-Experience. 
> 
> Please keep in mind that this work was meant for Tumblr and therefore has not been beta read. English is also not my first language. 
> 
> The title of this fanfic has been taken from the song 'Precious' by Depeche Mode, I recommend you listening to this song because it's beautiful.

When Stiles opens his eyes, there’s light and brightness all around him. White walls, white floors, white tiles, white lights everything he sees is white. Stiles sits up, confused and looks around. He knows this place, he’s been here before. Instantly he holds his hands in front of his body, feverishly counts his fingers. Five on the one hand, five on the other hand. He’s awake; at least he thinks he is. He still remembers how it felt to be here last time, trapped and captured in his own head. But maybe this isn’t his head, maybe he’s in a room that just looks like the one in his head.

There’s movement behind him, he can hear someone breathe and he turns around, heart beating hard and quick in his chest. There is a figure at the far back of the room, where the lights are out, hiding in the shadows, tall and dark. A shiver runs down his spine. What if it’s happening again? What if it’s starting all over again? Stiles forces himself to breathe in and out, steady and still, to not let panic take the best of him. He can’t afford to vulnerable, not even in his own head, not when there could be danger all around him. There’s no one to protect him, no one but himself and the mysterious dark figure at the opposite end of the room.

He doesn’t know why, but his feet move forward like an invisible rope is pulling him towards the stranger hiding in the shadows. Like an incredible force pulling him closer to the darkness. Stiles moves his feet, slowly and carefully, his eyes fixated at the dark figure. One step, another step, just one more…

“Stop!”, a soft voice orders him and he doesn’t know why but his body jerks to a halt. “Don’t come closer. Don’t touch the darkness. Don’t take another step, Stiles.”

He knows this voice, he’s heard it before. He’s heard it, he’s sure, the way it says his name. Like the voice knows him, like…

“Derek?”, he asks into the darkness, trying to make out the man’s features.The figure moves towards him, slowly like it’s a hardship to even try and move. One step after another. Stiles takes a step forward, doesn’t even think about it, when the light hits Derek’s face. He lets out a short breath at Derek’s worried look.

“No! Don’t move! Don’t come over here! Don’t step over the line, Stiles! Wait!”, Derek calls out to him and Stiles obeys, stands perfectly still. “Wait until I am on your side, Stiles.”

Stiles waits and watches, watches as Derek move closer and closer until he’s finally right in front of him, close enough to touch. Stiles wants to touch him, but he doesn’t. This is Derek. He can’t just touch him.

“Derek, what’s going on? Where…where are we? Are we…in my head?”, he asks reluctantly.

Derek nods. “Yes Stiles, we’re in your mind.”

Stiles stares at Derek. But he’s awake. He counted his fingers and he has ten. He counted and…Derek holds up his right hand, as if he heard Stiles thoughts rushing and lets Stiles count. Six fingers. He’s not awake. He was back where he’d come from just a few weeks ago. He was back at the place where he’d been held prisoner.

“Why are we here?” His voice sounds broken and hoarse, even to his own ears.

“I don’t know”, Derek says and there’s this look in his eyes, like he’s trying to hide something. Stiles wants to ask but he’s scared to hear the truth as well.

He tries to remember, tries to find the last of his movements to pinpoint the moment he left reality. They’d been on the run from something, something bad, something dangerous…Kate. Kate Argent! They’d been on the run from Kate Argent, who should have been dead but wasn’t and she’d kidnapped Derek. When she’d found out about Allison death, she’d told Stiles she’d find him. He’d wanted to talk to Derek about it, he’d gone to his loft only to find her there, waiting for him. He’d wanted to tell Scott about it but didn’t want to worry him and then. He remembers. He remembers the hand wrapped around his throat, the air being squeezed out of his lungs. He remembers claws ripping through the skin on his chest and torso and his head hitting a wall. And-

“Stop, Stiles! Don’t go there.”, Derek whispers, his voice suddenly so close that Stiles jumps a bit.

“Derek…am I…am I dead?”, he breathes out and Derek looks down to the floor like the tiles are the most interesting thing in the world before he shakes his head.

“No. Not yet. We are trying to bring you back. We are…we are waiting for you to fight your way back. We are all hoping for you to come back.”

Stiles sinks down to the cold floor, panic and fear roaring in his chest like thunder, clouding his head and thoughts. His breath comes short, there’s not enough air to breathe, not enough space to think.

“Stiles, calm down. Please.” Derek sinks down next to him, both of his hands on his shoulders. “Breathe with me. I need you to stay with me. Stay strong. Breathe.”

Derek breathes in, slowly, breathes out, slowly and Stiles does too, almost feels like they’re connected. Stiles feels the panic ebb away, feels himself relax into Derek’s touch and he gives in to the urge to put his head against Derek chest as he breathes out in relief.

“So…what do you need me to do?”, he asks after a while.

“I need you to fight. I need you to open the door in your mind and come back to us. I need you…I need you to come back to me.”

Stiles stares at Derek for a bit, wondering if this Derek is only a product of his own fantasies, his own desires. If that’s the reason he’s so nice, so caring towards him. If Derek cares because Stiles’ mind wants him to care.

——————————————————————————-

“This is ridiculous, Derek!”

Stiles throws himself against the wall and sinks down, once again. He’s been at it for hours, maybe days, he doesn’t know. He’s lost track of time down here and Derek won’t tell him how much time has passed, telling him he’s trapped down here just like him. Stiles thinks he’s a liar but he doesn’t say anything. Maybe it’s better if he doesn’t know how much time he’s spending down here, trying to find a way into his body again.

“It’s not Stiles! You can do it, I know it. Just…concentrate, okay?”, Derek tells him but he sounds tired.

“I am concentrating! I am concentrating all the fucking time, I just want to sleep. I am tired. I am…I am…I don’t know, okay?”

Derek sighs and moves in next to him, offers his shoulder for Stiles to put his head onto and Stiles does. He needs the comfort. He feels like he can’t stand anymore, can’t move anymore. He can’t try anymore. He’s tired of all of it.

“What if I don’t want to go back there? What if I want to stay here?” , Stiles asks after a few moments of silence and he feels Derek tense underneath him.

“You don’t mean that, Stiles.”, he simply says. “You’re just tired. You should sleep.” He puts his hand on Stiles’ hair, threads his fingers through the short strands and Stiles lets out a sigh.

“I don’t know if I mean it. I just…what would I go back for? Scott and Lydia can’t look at me and I can’t look them in the eye. Allison is dead. She’s…gone. I killed Allison, they will never forgive me. Kira’s unsure enough without me trying to get in contact with her. I think she’s trying to stay away from me on purpose, she’s still scared. And my dad…he doesn’t trust me anymore. He looks at me and sees his son but he still thinks there’s someone else under my skin and so does Melissa. They try to hide it but I can see it in their eyes. They’re scared of me and they will never forget what I did to them. Hell, I will never forget what I did to them…Derek…what I did to you, too.”

He’s sobbing now, crying. He’s so tired. He just wants to stay here, cuddled up against Derek. He wants to stay in this dream forever because at least he knows that he can’t hurt anyone down here.

“You didn’t do anything to me, Stiles. You didn’t do anything to Scott or Lydia. You didn’t kill Allison. The nogitsune did.”, Derek says, letting his fingers rest against Stiles’ cheek, wiping away the warm tears. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Stiles lets out a sob and bites his lip hard. “So why does it feel like I did? Why do I feel so guilty? Why can’t I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I am innocent?” , he asks and buries his face further into Derek’s neck, holds onto his body like it’s a life buoy.

“Because you care, Stiles. You are a good person, you care about your friends and you were used to hurt them. That doesn’t make you a bad guy, it makes you a victim. Trust me, it took me long enough to find that out but it’s true.”

Stiles closes his eyes. “I am so, so sorry. I am really sorry, Derek.”, he whispers against Derek’s skin.

“I know.” Derek’s arms wrap tighter around Stiles body, pulling him against him, keeping him warm and secure. “Sleep now. We will try again later.”

———————————————————————————-

Stiles wakes up to Derek’s warmth around him and cuddles in closer, enjoying the feeling of safety and happiness before realizing where he is. Derek’s eyes are open, watching him and Stiles can’t help but stare right back. How one’s eyes can have so many colours at once is a wonder Stiles will never be able to understand. Stiles just sits still, breathes against Derek’s skin before moving in closer. He feels Derek tense under him but he doesn’t move away so Stiles just stays and keeps watching Derek. His look is so open, so vulnerable and he wonders if Derek ever realized how beautiful he truly is, especially when he’s vulnerable. Stiles loves the way he looks when he’s trying to look all hard and angry because he knows that an unschooled eye would maybe believe Derek’s mask, but Stiles…he can see underneath it without even really trying. He knows Derek, he knows every line on his face, has studied it in his dreams night after night. He knows that when Derek smiles, his eyes shine like a thousand suns and he knows that he’d do anything he can, every day of his life, to keep them that way because he’s seen them dark and pained way too often. Stiles wants to make Derek happy, he wants to make him smile and it takes him a second to realize that he has the chance to do just that. But not here, not if he stays here. Only if he goes back. And suddenly it’s clear. He knows how to go back. He knows he can do it.

With that thought in mind he moves in to kiss Derek, presses his lips against his. His eyes closed, his mind wide open to the feeling and he thinks he’s floating. It’s better than he imagined, better than anything he’s felt before. He doesn’t know how to react, just gives in, melts into Derek’s arms and lets go. His fingers grasp the werewolf’s dark locks, his body gravitates closer with every breath they share, his legs wrap around Derek’s waist and press closer. They share the moment, they share their faults and guilts, they share their time and their thoughts and their lives, just for a few seconds and Stiles swears he’s never felt this lightheaded before. And when he pushes back, he sees Derek with his eyes still closed, a look on his face like he’s just had the most wonderful dream and Stiles can understand the feeling because he feels it too.

“I have to go back.”, he says. “I have to go back for you.”

Derek smiles. “Yes, you do. I am glad you see that now.”

Stiles pecks his lips one, two, three times, trying to remember just how Derek tastes and feels and smells, before moving away. “It’s time to go.”, he says and Derek just nods.

They hold hands, fingers perfectly intertwined, when Stiles pulls all his strength together and just pushes the door to his mind open. He looks back at Derek as he slips through it, keeps his eyes of him as he slowly drifts away. He almost regrets not staying, afraid of what will await him when he opens his eyes the next time.

———————————————————————-

“Stiles?”

“Stiles?”

His voice sounds different, not as carefree but full of worry and Stiles can’t help but think that this is the opposite of what he wanted. He wanted to make him happy, to see him smile.

“Stiles, can you hear me?” Derek’s voice is close to him and Stiles moves his hand, aching and heavy, to touch Derek’s.

“Derek!”, he breathes out and he feels him grab his hand tightly.

“Yes…Yes…I am here, Stiles. We’re all here.”

And there it is. Relief, happiness and affection, all in his voice and Stiles wants to see it so bad. He has to open his eyes, he thinks, and so he does, looking at Derek who smiles down at him.

“Hey, you were out really long, buddy. I thought I did something wrong.”, he hears Scott on his other side. He doesn’t let go of Derek’s eyes, hold his gaze on him as he answers Scott. “Did something wrong?”

“Yeah, I mean…Kate…she got you pretty bad and I…I know you said you didn’t want it and I should have asked but you were out already…actually you were dead for a while I think and I…I am sorry Stiles, but I couldn’t just let you go.”

He realizes now, that Scott isn’t actually standing next to him but isn’t even in the room. Only Derek is. But he can hear Scott and he can sense him, feel him, smell him and that’s when he realizes that the wounds he remembered have healed already.

“You turned me?”, he asks, still looking at Derek but actually asking Scott. Derek is looking at him, again worried, and Stiles hates it. He never wants to see that look again, doesn’t know what he’s worried about.

“It’s okay Scott.”, he says into the room. “I am actually glad you did. I wasn’t…I wasn’t ready to die.” He looks at Derek, giving him a smile and Derek’s still just staring.

“Hey Scott, would you mind turning your wolf ears away for a second, I need to…I need to do something.” He squeezes Derek’s hand, not even waiting on Scott’s reply before he sits up and puts his arms around Derek.

“Thank you.”, he whispers in Derek’s ear.

“For what?” ,Derek asks, keeping his hands on Stiles when he pushes back a bit.

“For keeping me alive.”

Derek looks at him quizzically like he doesn’t quite understand and Stiles is sure he doesn’t. But he has a mission now and he’ll go from there and maybe one day he could be the one to see the sun rise in Derek’s eyes every morning when they woke up.


End file.
